A Dynamic Relationship

So I have always admired mums and dads who work full time.  Whether one works or does not after having children divides opinion considerably, I know, but having been a stay at home mummy and now venturing into the realms of ‘working from home’ I am beginning to experience the warping and contorting of all possible emotions as I attempt to run parenting and working mum as a dual operation.  On the one hand, there is the entrepreneur’s ideology – keep at it!  Some things have to be sacrificed!  Stop at nothing to get your business recognised and any diversion is merely an excuse!  On the other, the parent’s philosophy – the children come first, their needs are as great if not greater than mine, any diversion lends one open to accusations of selfishness and neglect.  Eesh.  Two different schools of thought that seem to be in constant conflict with each other.  Nothing highlights this opposition in dogma better than school holidays….

A Lullaby with a Side Order of Guilt Please…

So here I am in the February half term writing this week’s blog, two days late I might add, while my two gorgeous girls play happily behind me.  A little noisier than my usual blogging environment, but so far their game is running smoothly and I am being afforded a few moments to type, type, type…

Blogging time has followed a lovely hour or so in Costa when we all had a treat of some kind (gooey caramel shortbread for the girls, giant bucket of coffee for me) and merrily looked at the girls’ magazines and completed the sticker sticking and puzzles set within.  With that lovely family time behind us the ‘working from home mummy’ inside me justifies a little blogging by rationalising that a little work is now OK, after all, working and being a mummy is all about striking that elusive delicate balance…

But rational or not, there is always the guilt that accompanies any work related task while the children are at home.  Already, during paragraphs two and three of this blog I have had sentences punctuated with ‘Mummy, my vest has ripped!’ followed by some tears, and ‘Mummy can we have some lunch now?’, followed by my reply that seemed to convince both girls that lunch is mere moments away (thank goodness they still have a very loose sense of timing…).  I must confess that the guilt is also mixed with feelings of irritation with these interruptions, irritation immediately followed by guilt – a fabulous double strike, ‘Bam! Bam!’ straight to the heart – Wow.  Intense.

Apprentice to Hopefully Become Master…

But this is all very new to me – Lullaby Lu is new and still very much at the ‘Big Bang’ stage of its development (OK, I’m working on the ‘bang!).  As such I am again feeling a disturbing dichotomy of emotions.  The first, unyielding hope and determination that I will get busier and busier and I will need to dedicate more and more time to my thriving business – the thirst for success!  The second, horror and a little panic at how I will juggle the demands of work and growing children should this actually happen, and how I will deal with the emotional effects of doing it!!

Any advice and experiences with this work/mummy juggling act will always be gratefully received, and suffice to say that I will keep working determinedly through, emotional turmoil and all, falling at and leaping hurdles as they present themselves, to make a blinding success of both.

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